monastery

I wake up to silence

every morning in this castle

without my trusted dogs this time

choosing to be alone then

sometimes wallowing in loneliness

the rejection I projected

reflected back to me

I am learning

how I create

watching my addictions

going along with them

following them home for tea

enjoying the fictions I imagine

here I can stay undressed

until I take my body for an adventure

walking it instead of a dog

trips to the store alone

cooking for one

I always make too much

next door two terriers sometimes worry

about a deer, quietly munching in this yard

squirrels tirelessly attack the bird feeder

a cardinal waits until they’ve tired

not noticing he has no head feathers

and I wonder about pesticides and bees

the floorboards creak as I walk

the air stirred gently by the fan

a microclimate of solitude and quiet

day night and in between

surrounded by cicadas and frogs

500 yards away cars pass by

twice a day I practice sitting

once a day I tire myself outside

often I pace the house reading

I distract myself far too late into the night

I try to find discipline to write

I bask in gratitude for my guardian angels

but really I am pausing

letting the unnameable work

so more often I will notice

when the quality arises

that allows me the clarity

to see many things better, but also

to know why I still dream about you