re-becoming a flower

thich nhat hanh has this lovely bit in one of his talks about when people are separated from ones they used to love, that one thing that can be done is to notice if the flower that was fresh and appealing that was offered at the beginning has been allowed to wilt, so the job of the person who has wilted is to refresh the flower.
(he implies that this applies both ways in his example, but one can only do something from one's own perspective) (and the job of the person angry at the wilted flower is to water and feed the flower, from what i remember, but that's not where i'm looking at the moment)
presenting a refreshed flower to the world does not ensure a bee will want to pollinate it, but even if not, it might be a good resting spot for a katydid, or might remind someone through its scent or dew or color or abundant soft petals that there is love in the world still.
and after trying to do better, i might only receive anger or disinterest or abandonment. a flower can't take a bee's decisions personally, so i will have to work to cultivate more compassion for myself and others so that i can see those reactions differently and not fall apart. if a bee stings, it loses its life, so all i can do i suppose is learn to be a less aggressive flower. (metaphor falling apart alert. ha.)
i didn't wilt intentionally or alone; the conditions around the wilting have been rough and dry and compressive this year, and i wasn't watered adequately for sure. but i can see, that to refresh myself, there are things i can do now that some of the pressure has lifted.
i can attend to my own suffering better, and not push it on or blame it on others. well, i can work to be more skillful at that, at seeing it, at curbing it, then stopping it; it's a good aspiration.
i can sit with my fear and inability to help, and understand that kind of suffering better in myself.
i can see how fear drives desire (for change, for anything different, for something to move), and i can be with that and learn to slow down my reactions and behave more skillfully.
i can enjoy and care for my physical body more positively. i can find a better balance between excess and control.
i can listen better. i know i can. i do it with patients. i failed hard at that in the past year.
there has been a lot of suffering in this house i didn't attend to. it's probably never too late to try, so i will. i can be a dragon (amber and ferocious and wise sometimes) or a hedgehog (reading and prickly and hiding) or a cat (naps and clean and demanding and pets) pretty well, now to focus on the kind of rose i am best at.
i also have to let go of needing my attempts to bear fruit from anyone but myself. i would like to grow a lovely rose hip at least, so that when finally i wilt forever, others can benefit from the buildup of vitamin C. and love.
(and the meantime, i might smell better. ha.)